


(i'm starting to believe in) the power of a name

by noneoftherestofitmatters



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, One Shot, Pre series, cute and protective tasha zapata, mentions of bullying, patterson's backstory, patterson's first name!, patterson's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24316465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noneoftherestofitmatters/pseuds/noneoftherestofitmatters
Summary: a short story about patterson's relationship with her first name and how tasha comes into her life to help her deal with it.orwe finally know patterson's first name, so i wrote zp being soft (and sexy?) about it
Relationships: Patterson & Tasha Zapata, Patterson/Tasha Zapata
Comments: 6
Kudos: 103





	(i'm starting to believe in) the power of a name

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS ABOUT THE NAME, RUN!  
> that being said, i'm emotional about posting this because FINALLY! it's been too long since this plot lives inside my head and it feels nice to let it out JKVDBJVJBSCJSA that doesn't mean i'm totally satisfied with how i wrote it, but well, i did my best and i hope you like it <3
> 
> this story is a series of flashes and it's set pre-show, so Jane and Rich are not in the picture. also, this is how i always imagined Patterson's backstory. after we found out her name, it made even more sense in my head. if mentions of bullying is a trigger for you, please be warned.
> 
> thank you lotusfl0wer for the insights, the help and the jokes. te amo!
> 
> english is not my first language and this is unbetaed, so keep that in mind. i hope it's not a disaster.  
> ENJOY!

Patterson looked around the cafeteria, searching for an empty table so she could eat her lunch and finish the book she was currently reading. Not that anyone would talk to her and want to hang out with her during lunch break, but her mother taught her that it wasn’t polite to read while sitting with other people… Even when said people couldn’t care less about your presence. But as an 11 year old girl, who’s been reading since she was 3 and building computers from scratch since 7, Patterson didn’t bother. No other child was interested in science, engineering and astrology as much as she was, to be fair they didn’t even know what those things meant, it wasn’t their fault. And Patterson liked being alone anyway, if she’s being honest, being invisible was better than having school bullies going after her.

She sighted an empty table and walked towards it with her head down, staring at the weird cafeteria food her school provided.

“WILLIAM!” She heard and totally ignored. No one there even knew that was her name, there was no way someone was calling for her, but then… “WILLIAM Patterson!”

She stopped dead in her tracks. _No no no no no no no, this isn’t happening_.

“It’s your name right?” Another voice asked, Patterson still frozen in place. “Not Patterson, WILLIAM Patterson.”

“The Nerd’s got a boy’s name,” a third person added, and she heard some laughter.

At this point, she couldn’t see the food on her tray anymore, tears clouded her eyes and she wished she could go back to 2 minutes ago, when she was still invisible.

Patterson never liked her name. Since the moment she became aware of it being an unusual name for a girl, she tried to hide it. And she knew it was stupid and unfair, because she was named after her favorite person in the world, which was her father, but it was a defense mechanism. It was an effort to keep being invisible for as long as she could and, well, now she knew that middle school was as far as she’d get.

“Why don’t you answer us William? Are you really a girl?” The question felt like being stabbed. As much as Patterson didn’t want to cry in the middle of a crowded cafeteria, she couldn’t get her body to move and also couldn’t hold her tears any longer.

“CREEP!” Someone shouted and she let out a full sob. It was like living her worst nightmare.

\---

“Kiddo,” Patterson heard, followed by a knock on her bedroom door, “Can I come in?”

She sighed, paused the game she was playing and took a moment to gather the strength she needed to look her father in the eye. She knew he would find out soon.

“Sure dad,” she said and gave Bill a weak smile as he sat beside her on the floor.

“What are you playing?” Her father asked, facing the tv screen and the videogame console in front of her.

Patterson knew he was just stalling; Bill could recognize any game just by seeing a frame of it. “It doesn’t matter dad,” she muttered, “Just go ahead and say what you came here to say.”

“Kiddo—”

“No!” She said, her voice sounded harsher than she intended. She took a deep breath and looked her father in the eye, “Please don’t ‘kiddo’ me. I’m 13 dad, I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Okay…” Bill whispered and smiled, he was always too kind to her, “So I’ll just ask you this, William,” Patterson squirmed at the sound of her name, “Why did you get into a fight with someone at school?”

The girl sighed, looking down at her fidgeting hands. She couldn’t answer her father’s question, not without hurting him, so she didn’t.

“I know you William,” Bill continued, she shrunk away when he tried to touch her shoulder, “I know you’d never hit anyone if you didn’t have a good reason to. Did they hurt you? Did they hit you first?”

Patterson kept staring at her hands, trying to figure out what to say to make him leave. She didn’t want to tell him that she’s been bullied because of her name for the last 3 years. She didn’t want to tell him that everyone at her school thought she was a freak, and never missed an opportunity to tell her so. She didn’t want to tell him that kids locked her inside bathroom stalls, steal her lunch, her backpack, her notes. She didn’t want to tell him she learned the hard way how mean people were and she didn’t want to tell him she was finally sick of it all. So she didn’t.

“William, pl—”

“STOP CALLING ME THAT AND JUST LEAVE ME ALONE OKAY?” Patterson shouted, gazing at her father with tears in her eyes.

“Okay then,” Bill said and waited for a moment. Patterson knew he was giving her time to regret yelling at him. Having such an understanding father was even more painful in situations like this. After some time, Bill just stared at her with a disappointed look on his face, “Have a good night Patterson.”

_Patterson… Ouch._

As soon as he was out of her room, she let go. Unable to control the pain and embarrassment any longer, she sobbed.

\---

It was only in high school that Patterson was finally able to convince her parents to let her study at home. For a long time, she tried to reason with them and show them that she was way ahead of her class, thus, going to school was a huge waste of her time. But they insisted that she needed the ‘social experience’, she had to learn how to make friends, like every normal kid. What they didn’t know, though, is that Patterson didn’t make any friends. Not one in all her school years. And she definitely was not a normal kid.

What she got from the ‘social experience’ was years of bullying, a really low self esteem and lots of trauma mostly regarding her own name. But she never told her parents that these were the reasons why she asked to be home schooled in the first place. She couldn’t make them go through that. Dealing with it herself was too much already.

So, when Patterson could finally quit school and study at home, she was ecstatic. She felt like all her problems would be gone. Unless they didn’t. She kept hiding. She could only connect with people online (because they didn’t care about her name, or her looks, or anything other than shared interests).

But at least now, without school and specially the people who knew her from school, she could start over. With a little help from her friends (most of them were hackers, so what?), she could pretend her first name never existed. She wiped it from the face of the earth and could only hope that her parents didn’t notice. At least she could live a little without that haunting her like it did all her life.

\---

“And this is Agent Patterson,” she heard Reade’s voice and remembered that she was supposed to be welcoming a new agent today. How could she forget that? “She’s the head of our Forensic Science Unit,” Reade continued, his voice getting closer, “If you ever need anything hacked, bypassed or I don’t know, anything at all, no matter how crazy, then Patterson’s the one you should talk to. I think of her as the queen of the lab,” she smiled, _true_ , and finally turned around to face her colleague and the new agent.

Patterson was surprised to find a really tiny woman standing next to Reade. She had curly hair that cascaded down her shoulders and a shy smile formed on her lips when Patterson’s eyes met with her chocolate ones. The woman wore a simple black suit, but _man, she was_ _gorgeous_.

“Nice to meet you, Agent Patterson” her voice startled Patterson and the way her name sounded coming from that woman made the scientist weak in the knees. She shouldn’t be reacting like this to a woman she just met, specially a coworker, and yet… “I’m Tasha Zapata.”

 _Latina… Nice_. Patterson shook her head and cleared her throat, trying to compose herself.

“Hello. I’m… Wi- Patterson,” she said and chuckled nervously, realizing she almost said her first name to a complete stranger. Why did she have to be so weird? _Gosh_. No one in the FBI knew her first name, not even her boss, not even the freaking president! The fact that she almost said it to that woman after she just, what?, stood there looking breathtaking and sounding sexy as hell with her accent… Well, that worried Patterson more than she could say. Yes, she already knew she was a mess around people she found attractive, but never to the point of almost revealing her secret.

When she finally took the other woman’s hand, because she was probably waiting for a handshake for too long now, _wow_ , her hand was _really_ soft. And now that they were standing a little closer to each other, Patterson could smell her perfume. And it smelled _really_ nice, a mix of fruity and spicy, she liked it _very_ much.

Reade’s voice, talking about something she wasn’t really listening because how could she even focus on anything other than that woman, made Zapata let go of hand. She missed the touch instantly and _holy shit Patterson, get a grip._

“I’ll see you soon, Agent Patterson,” the Latina said and smiled, following Reade out of the lab.

“See you!” Patterson answered a little too loudly, making Tasha turn her head back and shoot her another smile.

_Oh boy…_

\---

It was the first time Patterson accepted an invitation to go out with her coworkers. They asked her every week, but every week she declined. ‘Too tired’, she’d say. ‘I have plans already’, she’d lie. ‘Maybe next time?’, she’d promise. But somehow, this time, she heard herself say yes before she could even think about it. But how could she deny Tasha Zapata anything?

‘Please, Patterson, come with us. It’ll be fun, live a little!’ Tasha said, smiling at her with her mouth and her eyes and her stupid crinkled nose. She simply could not say no. So she didn’t.

It’s been four months since the Latina joined the FBI and despite Patterson’s best efforts to keep her distance, to not get involved, to keep their relationship strictly professional, she was head over heels in love with the woman. To be fair, she fell in love the moment she saw Tasha. The moment she said her name for the first time. After that, Patterson was helpless… But boy did she try.

Tasha didn’t make it easy on her. Not when she showed up to work in the most amazing suits, smelling like she did, with her perfect hair and grumpy attitude. Not when she was so smart all the time, so fierce and so damn good at her job. Not when she laughed at Patterson’s nerdy jokes, even though she didn’t laugh at anyone else’s, neither when she learned Patterson’s coffee order and insisted in bringing it to her at random times of the day. And mostly not when she asked if Patterson was okay, if she had something to eat, if she had gone home to sleep, and was genuinely worried about her.

So, the fact is that she’s in love with Tasha. Tasha who’s sitting next to her right now, laughing at something someone said (was it Weller?), while her left hand rests on Patterson’s right thigh. And she doesn’t even know if Tasha’s doing it on purpose, but _hell_ it feels good. Suddenly, she loves being out with coworkers. Not only because of That, _of course not!_ But Reade, Weller and the three other agents who were also at the bar with them… They were actually really nice.

It was unusual for Patterson to not feel overwhelmed in social situations such as that. She always felt out of place, too awkward to share anything, too weird to think people would want to hear what she had to say. But she didn’t feel like that with those people. Sure, she was still more quiet than everyone at the table, she still listened more than she talked. But she felt comfortable, at last. And yes, maybe it was because they were talking mostly about work related things, or maybe they were just good, friendly people. She didn’t care why, not really.

Soon, they started a conversation about their childhoods and school and Patterson freezes immediately. Not even the alcohol in her system, not even Tasha’s hand that yes, was still resting on her right thigh, would make Patterson want to share a single thing about her past.

“I bet everyone wanted to be your friend, Patterson! So they could copy your homework and cheat on tests,” Weller pointed out, obviously just trying to be funny and make her a part of the conversation, since she was suddenly deathly quiet.

She glared at him, her hands gripped the table in front of her as she tried to steady herself and concentrate in not killing him right there.

“Don’t be an asshole Kurt,” Tasha snapped, while her hand squeezed Patterson’s thigh, “Being smart is not her only quality. Besides, making friends with someone just because you want something is just… Wrong.”

After that, Weller apologized for the joke, but Patterson didn’t pay attention. She loosened her grip on the table, letting her hands fall to her lap. Her chest tightened with a feeling she didn’t recognize. Appreciation? Gratitude? All Patterson knew was that no one ever stood up to her like Tasha just did. And of course, Weller had no idea about her past. He didn’t mean to hurt her or diminish her. But somehow, Tasha saw right through her and helped.

Patterson looked at the other woman, who glanced at her briefly, signaling that it wasn’t a big deal. But it was, for Patterson it was actually a huge deal. So, she put her hand on top of Tasha’s, _thank you_. And she could swear she saw Tasha’s face soften at the touch.

\---

“Can I ask you something?”

The sudden question almost sobered Patterson up. Usually, people asked if they could ask questions when said questions were… Uncomfortable? Invasive? Hard to answer? Despite her brain screaming for her to say _NO, no you can’t!!!,_ her mouth beat her to it, “Yeah, sure, anything Tash.”

What could Tasha ask that would make her feel bad about the answer, anyway? They were alone at her place, tipsy over a bottle of wine after a long day of work. Nights like this were becoming more and more frequent and it was weird how _normal_ it felt to Patterson. No one was ever able to break her walls like that. And then, Tasha came up and knocked it down in 6 months.

Sure, Patterson had yet to tell her friend about her feelings. But if she’s being honest, not even if Tasha asked it bluntly about it, she’d feel uncomfortable. She’d just answer and hope Tasha would forgive her for it, because of course she would never return the feeling, _there’s no wa--_.

“What’s the deal with your first name?” Tasha asked.

_Fuck._

Her breath caught in her throat and she froze. How come she didn’t see that THAT could be the question?

“You don’t have to answer. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. It’s none of my business,” she heard the other woman say and it gutted her that she made Tasha feel that way.

 _God_ , she wasn’t intruding, how could she, when she’s been living in Patterson’s heart since the moment they met? And of course it was her business! Patterson wanted nothing more than to _BE her goddamn business_. If someone deserved to know her name, that person was definitely Tasha Zapata. But still, Patterson couldn’t move, she couldn’t say anything, she felt like an 11-year-old standing in the middle of a crowded cafeteria. She felt like a 13-year-old lying to her father about being bullied. She felt like a 15-year-old hacking into the government’s system to wipe her first name from her ID.

She felt Tasha shift on the couch and only when the other woman wrapped her arms around her, she realized she was sobbing. Patterson couldn’t listen to what Tasha whispered in her ear, she couldn’t really feel Tasha’s right hand soothing her back, while her left hand caressed her hair. All she could do is cry. A flood of bad memories coming out of her mind and leaving her body in the shape of tears.

After a long time, she felt warm, safe. She felt cared for and even loved. Slowly, she shifted in Tasha’s arms, until she could look up at her and find her kind chocolate eyes. She smiled weakly, trying to earn a smile back, but Tasha seemed worried.

“I’m sorry,” Patterson murmured, breaking eye contact and looking down, “I’m sorry I messed up your shirt with my tears. And our evening,” she completed.

“No, please!” Tasha said, as she brought Patterson back into her arms protectively, “You didn’t mess up anything, I did. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“No, that’s not fair Tash…” Patterson disagreed. Tasha’s perfume, her touch, her warmth giving her enough courage. She took a deep breath and let it out, “My first name is William.”

After her admission, Patterson tightened her arms around her friend, hoping it would ground her enough to hold back another wave of tears.

“William… That’s a beautiful name,” Tasha said simply, “It’s your father’s name, isn’t it?”

That made Patterson let out a sound she didn’t know if it was a laugh, a breath, _or what_. But it was enough to make Tasha push her away gently to study her reaction. Seeing the confused look on Tasha’s face… That made Patterson crack up. _Of course_ Tasha would have the best reaction ever to her name. Of course she would not only be okay with it, but also find it _beautiful_. Of course she would remember who Patterson’s father was and of course she would _ask_ about it.

Patterson was laughing so much, she started crying. The feeling of finally having something good to relate to her name was overwhelming in the best way. God, she loves this woman so much it’s unbelievable and completely irrational.

“Okay, Patterson. I’m serious, you’re scaring me,” Tasha said, she sounded genuinely worried.

Patterson didn’t even think about what she was doing, she just closed the gap between them and kissed Tasha full on the lips. It took the other woman less than 2 seconds to kiss her back and tangle her hands into blonde hair. The reciprocity surprised Patterson, but she was enjoying every sensation way too much to stop now. She moved towards Tasha, seeking her body like a magnet, but Tasha stopped her with both hands on her shoulders.

“Okay,” Tasha said out of breath and Patterson smiled, relishing the vision of the woman in front of her, “As much as I hate myself for saying this right now, we need to stop.”

“No, we don’t,” Patterson protested and pouted to make a point.

“Please don’t do this,” the Latina asked, staring at Patterson’s lips.

“What?” She asked licking her lips and _yessss,_ Tasha was kissing her again.

“Promise me we’ll talk about it,” Patterson heard the other woman say, but she was too distracted by the way her hands felt against brown, curly hair, and by the way Tasha held onto her tights as Patterson moved to sit on her lap and grind against her.

“Patterson,” Tasha half asked, half moaned, but that only made it worse. Patterson’s mind, as brilliant as it was, couldn’t process everything and still come up with an answer. But then, “William…” She heard. Even though it sounded more like low, muffled murmur, a breath against the sensitive skin behind her ear, she heard. And more than that, she _listened_.

_Fuck._

Patterson never thought that hearing the sound of her name could be pleasurable, not until now. The way every inch of her body reacted to Tasha’s voice was crazy. The _want_ was almost painful, but Patterson knew she had to answer. She had to promise… That she would tell Tasha everything, her full story, uncensored and unhacked. That she would explain as best as she could all her feelings, the sobs, the laughter, the kisses. All of it. Because Tasha deserved it, yeah, but mostly because Patterson _wanted her to know_.

“We’ll talk about it,” she whispered and moved, so she could lock eyes with the woman in front of her, “I’ll tell you all of it, I promise.”

They smiled and Tasha was about to kiss her lips again, when she stopped, “Can I ask you something else?”

 _Oh for fuck’s sake!_ “WHAT?” Patterson answered in annoyance, if Tasha wanted to _kill_ her, then yes!! She could ask all the questions in the world.

“Chill, woman!” The brunette chuckled, biting her lower lip and staring Patterson in the eye, “I just wanted to know if we could move this to the bedroom…?”

Patterson rolled her eyes and pecked Tasha’s lips repeatedly, “You’re an idiot!”

After that, she moved from Tasha’s lap and offered her a hand to get up and take it to the goddamn bedroom. They didn’t need any more questions.

**Author's Note:**

> it's really hard for me to write from Patterson's POV, but i hope i did my baby justice.  
> tell me what you think! kudos and reviews are very much appreciated <3
> 
> the title of this fic is from a Sara Bareilles song called December. it has nothing to do with the story, but it's still SO GOOD, you should check it out ;)
> 
> if you'd like, come scream on twitter. i'm mournsthegreen  
> thank you for reading!


End file.
